http://www.horsefactsoffer.com/what-kids-parents/
Parenting conflict: Night of a difficult teenager saved his family from self-destruction
His parents were again.
His brothers boy had snuck into her bedroom, looking scared.
They sat on the bed as the voices then grew louder and angrier.
I could hear little bits of phrases shouted.
"Always was left get away with it "
"Oh, if only you could clarify and that is it"
Miró around in his room, the floor covered with clothes, his desk a disaster, as usual.
As fighting continued in her stomach held tight and their siblings.
"This must stop or break it, she thought as she held her brothers, who clung to her sister higher.
"I'm going down" he said. "I'm going to stop, you can."
His brothers looked at each other in a mixture of fear and hope. "Would she?"
For many families, parents has become a struggle between parents with different parenting approaches their children, parents who do not know how to work together in resolving conflicts. Often noticeable when children are in elementary school, the difficulties they may explode when their children become teenagers.
A moment of peer pressure, self-exploration and challenging parents limits. Differences in values of the parents in how to deal with conflict and not knowing how to change when children become teenagers, you can drive any reasonably functioning family to destruction.
Joni's family was no different. She had driven to his parents in every way he could, trying to find the limits of their freedom, their own identity.
The differences between styles of parenting their parents were at first easy use for your immediate benefit. Now it had become the fault line in which her family could be changed. Break, as they fought for it.
"It basta! "Joni slammed the door in its frame, as she cried." Enough! They are killing us as a family! "Her parents stopped surprised by his outburst.
"I feel, well, sorry. I do not want us apart. The top guys are afraid and you're beginning to hate others. It's just too much! "
His parents were still fuming at each other, but their attention had shifted to her daughter.
"I'm scared," she said softly. "Please, let's try to find a different way of going at each other all the time. "Suddenly, she could not stop talking.
"I want a family. I do not want to be separated. I know that love and that I am pushing all of this struggle. "
She looked up. Her parents looked exhausted from the angry exchanges that were made few moments.
"We can not find a way that everyone can be happy? May we all enjoy our family again?" We used to have fun and do things together, now you just walk and work and we do not anymore. I know I've been a pain and did not clean my room, but that great deal? I want to be happy. Will not you be happy? I want to know who I am and I need you to be my home, where you can test and try things. I do not want us apart.
"Please. Please do not fight anymore. Please? "His parents looked at her, feeling his plea, his despair.
"Sorry," said his mother, "You're right. These conflicts are costing us too much. It is not only your fault. We have to do this differently as parents. It was not my intention scare anyone. "
His father stood there, still seething with anger, but shaken by his outburst daughters.
Finally took a deep breath.
"You're right. And yes you have been pushing us, and has not helped. "He sighed and looked at his wife." And your mom is right, we as parents have to work on our part. Sorry. I think we both wanted the best, but it turned into wanting to be right. "
Joni began to mourn.
"Sorry," he said, "I love you so much and want them to be together."
Its mother came and put his arm around her.
She watched her husband.
"It may have helped do that, love. "
Her husband looked at his wife and sank into a chair.
"We need to do this better, we really do. "
Joni did save his family that night. And she offered parents a way out of self-destruction of his family.
Parenting is a joint work with others (ie, teachers, caregivers), if you are a single parent or couple.
Then are three steps that can help address conflicts.
1. Always take responsibility for their thoughts, words and actions.
Stop blame game and see what we can do differently to help. Take a deep breath as other pushing his triggers and angry, feel hurt, and get defensive. Think about how you really want it to be and act from that image.
2. Look at your children, your spouse or partner, as partners in solving problems, making decisions and creating opportunities for the whole family.
Stop reacting as if the conflicts are best treated as war with the enemy, winners and losers. It is not healthy for a family. It destroys relationships.
3. Always seek win-win solutions.
Be creative, take their time, ask others' opinions and ensure their interests as well as your own. When looking at each other, no one can lose. And is not that what families are ready?
I know you want the best for their family, their children.
Take a step back and see that they want can also find ways to create a family with all their perspectives and ideas.
Together, as your children want to do so.
About the Author
Wouter van der Hall is a parenting expert, parenting coach and the author of The Parent Program, a 15 minute a day email/web based parenting program (www.theparentprogram.com). Wouter has worked with children and families in complex situations in child welfare in Europe and North America for decades. For parents he has combined his extensive experience with the research based team building, conflict resolution and communication tools corporations pay thousands of dollars per person for. So all children may have the best parents they can have: their own parents, with the tools to be great parents.
|
|
Heliconia Press Outdoor Parents, Outdoor Kids $19.95 Heliconia Press Outdoor Parents, Outdoor Kids |
